My truth – Talking about my eating disorder

Hey Lovers,

Today I want to be honest with you. 

I struggle, I have and in a small way always will struggle with an eating disorder. 

When I was 16 years old, a really popular guy asked me out, and I said no. He then whispered something to a friend who looked at me and laughed. I didn’t know what he said, but as a defence responded with “I heard that”. As I was leaving school a girl stopped me in front of the whole school, she yelled “he says sorry for calling you a fat c… !” I was horrified, embarrassed and within seconds my life changed.

That one sentence changed my life, I never thought someone could impact me in the way it did. I’m pretty strong. I don’t take any crap, but some how this struck me at the heart of my being.

From that day onwards, I instantly stopped eating. I would allow myself 2 nibbles of a snack bar a day. This meaning I had to be very strategic as to when I would have them. I only did this to stop my stomach rowling in class, I also drank a ridiculous amount of water in an attempt to keep myself full.

Dinner time was the worst time of the day, I’d dread the thought of having to sit with my family, I could feel them watching me and tracking how much I ate.

I started throwing out things from the cupboard when I got to school as I knew my mum was tracking all foods. I was so calculated I could have worked for the FBI. I knew what they were thinking, I could even see them count how many peas I ate. It was awful. I made my mum cry every day. nothing is worse than knowing you’re the reason someone is hurting so badly, but being able to stop yourself.

The following year showed a drastic change in my appearance, I lost 30kg and went on a full rampage anytime someone brought up my lack of eating. I didn’t eat recess or lunch once in my 3 years at my senior high school. Even my friends can recall never seeing me eat. My secret highlight of graduating high school was knowing no one would know what I was eating in a day.

I couldn’t stay awake, I couldn’t remember things. I started to realise something was really wrong. I went to the doctor and although he asked if my eating habits had changed, I continued to lie. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism- I was a staggering 40 years under the average age of diagnosis. It was brought on by my lack of eating. This condition is permanent, I’ll have it for the rest of my life.

My ex actually was the one who stopped me. He let me down and was so toxic in many ways, but actually saved me on this important one. I guess I’ll always be grateful for that.

He sat me down one day and said to me; “I love you more than life itself but won’t watch you waste yours. You need to get better or I’ll have to leave, I can’t watch the person I love disappear”

Although we didn’t work out (and for the best!!) I will always appreciate that. 

I am in no way okay, over it, and truthfully I think about my weight at all hours of the day, every day.  But I eat. I eat every meal and eat junk food too. I push it to the back of my mind most times and by the way I am a very normal size.

I guess my message is, don’t let anyone have an effect on you through words. Words mean nothing unless you give them the power to. I now have a life long condition that started prematurely, purely because of the words of some random guy in high school. A guy who was mad because I rejected him.

Be kind to yourself and one another 

All my love,

Aesthetically Basic – A millennial’s guide to life 


January wrapped up

Hey Lovers,

Just like that the first month of the year is over.

I hope it was as kind to you as it was to me!

January taught me to experience EVERYTHING!

I travelled Europe, tried crazy food and even ventured as far as to get a tattoo! (SO NOT ME!!)

It taught me to follow my heart and pursue writing as a career – I’m going to study Journalism next year. This blog means more to me than you’ll ever know, the community that grows day by day on here makes me smile for hours!

I also learnt to breathe and enjoy my relationship, even taking the next step to plan moving out later this year…. it’s official guys!

I’m buying my first car in a few months so that’s also getting me very excited!

Lastly it taught me to be my own best friend, my own hype man and to always be my biggest supporter. This year is the year of change and God Damn I will smash every adventure, goal and challenge that comes my way.

I love you guys and want to support you as much as you support me, so how was your January and what are you going to achieve this year?

All my love,

Aesthetically Basic

Amsterdam all kinds of wonderful

Hello lovers,

Right now I’m sitting on the train traveling to Paris.

I am studying the landscape outside the small window my neighbour so kindly decided to only leave a smidge open!  Through the crack, the Dutch countryside is slipping away as we travel at speed towards Brussels.

Amsterdam was a city I doubt few are like in the world. The people are kind, funny and considerate and are so proud of their culture.

A country full of more than just legalised drugs and sex it was an experience I don’t think i’ll have for a long time, if ever again. From finally visiting Anne Frank’s house to seeing small towns that are full of windmills I enjoyed every second of it.

To find a place in the world that has a strong and heartwarming heritage and can take life a little less seriously then the rest of the world has been eye-opening and has taught me maybe I should lighten up a bit.

Thank you Amsterdam for your hospitality, culture and for telling me to ” Relax dude!”

I’ll remember you forever,

Ciao x

Confessions of a traveling fashion queen

Hello my lovers,

Let us discuss the world-wide epidemic of over packing. Take a seat, grab a glass of wine and let’s dive into that suitcase you’re staring at.

 

The struggle of packing for amazing countries that are widely considered fashion capitals is a lot of pressure. To be fashionable and well prepared for any occasion is absolutely caused me some anxiety from time to time so let me assist you with my top three travelling tips!

 

  1. Pack black and a splash– black is a staple, this colour will save you. I always store at least five black tops in a suitcase. Generally, I go with one long sleeve and short bodysuit, two t-shirts and one woolly black top.

 

Wondering what that splash is? Well, a splash of colour of course! Accessories are a super easy way to achieve a chic look as well as keeping your suitcase full of room for your fashion binge that you and I both know is inevitable.

  1. The buy and toss technique- Now this and love or hate suggestion, leave your favourite boots at home and buy a cheap pair. Buy a pair you only slightly like, it will help you say goodbye at the end of the trip a lot easier.  Wear your subpar boots throughout your trip and toss them before you leave. This is a life saver, my constant concern for travelling is the weight of my suitcase I always seem to scrape by (Touch wood!!!) so when it comes to heading home the first things to go are the cheap shoes.

 

  1. Packing cubes save lives – Using packing cubes is the most efficient and well-organised way to maintain your suitcase throughout a trip. It also saves room…. for all the new clothes. They retail at approximately $10 AUD so don’t break the bank in any means.

 

I really hope this helped you as much as it helped me, all my love

 

Ciao x

 

Home truths from the heartbreak kid

When deciding on an article to write I have always been advised: “write what you know”. One uncomfortable thing never fails to come to mind is; Heartbreak.

Heartbreak like many things is a dish best served cold. The ones that leave you in bed, overthinking and an image close to that of Bridget Jones are the ones you learn the most from.

My personal heartbreak experience is that of something that gives you a greater appreciation for every classic scene in a rom-com.  Sweet as a button at the ripe old age of 19 I was not given a rose on the final night of my relationship, poetically the gem that was once mine ended our four year high school romance on the steps of our favourite night club. Ironically, doing so on my ‘girls night’ which he had insisted on crashing, hopefully you’re starting to understand the type of person I was swooning over.

The long uber ride home was one of a ‘come to Jesus’ moment, I sat there with the lyrics of ‘big girls don’t cry’ playing in my head looking out the windows as the first of many tears rolled down my cheek, all the while I assured myself things would be okay.

The following weeks dragged on and every clock seemed to be playing tricks on me with time feeling like it stood still. I looked at my Mum my eyes now unremittingly glassy and asked when it would end? Hold on to your seatbelts because this answer held true. “ This is all temporary, this feeling, it’ll pass; but only with time.” With each passing day I began to feel a little better and while keeping myself busy I began to form my own identity.

I like to believe the person I am now is stronger than I once was, the person that did Bridget proud on the couch crying for the month is also one that no longer feels the need for ‘no man’.  I recall that night calling my best friend and saying through tears “I can’t wait for in a year’s time when we are laughing about this.”

Fast forward one year ahead and I have a relationship and best friend my family approves of, treats me like gold and is an addition rather than a necessity. Exactly what is needed, he may be perfect now or forever you never know in this life but for right now it feels that frog may have just brought me my prince.

It’s easy to read and see others that have been through it and believe they have no idea your pain but if we’re being honest, we are all the heartbreak kid and that’s why they invented girl power.

 

The 21-year crisis

Primary school, a blissful habitation where I was so assured my twenty one year old self would have it all covered. At the ripe old age of twenty one years and seven months I can inform you without hesitation this is not the case.

The world is bigger and scarier than ever and the direction I am heading isn’t necessarily the one I have always dreamed of.

 

What is it that gives us the ability to know something is right?

 

To know something is our purpose?

 

To know if the person we love is actually ‘the one’?

 

I find with each passing month I have more pressure, more questions and fewer answers. At the time many of us are starting to begin a more planned and structured future, mine seems to hold more curve balls than anything else.

 

The return and wrap up

Hey Lovers,

I won’t pretend like it hasn’t been a while but man has life changed.

That thing I was holding out for .. well I got it!

I had the honor of being sent to Melbourne for two weeks and it was honestly amazing, my job is awesome as well as the amazing people I have met along the way.

I’ve loved and lost hard this year, I’ve gained friends, strengthened my relationship and lost some friends too.  Evey year, month and day has its ups and downs and I guess that’s kind of what life is.. just a whole lot of lessons we get from the emotional rollercoaster we can’t seem to get off.

This year has posed many questions for me: do I follow my passion and explore fashion, even though I’ve almost completed my degree? Do I move out or stay at home? Do I focus on my passion of writing? What do I do???

I have alot of questions and not many answers, I’m hoping maybe the answers will lie in 2019.  To each one of you reading this, I hope 2019 gives you even more than you hope for

All my love C x                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Holding out hope

Dear Lovers,

Have you ever wanted something so bad it consumes you?

I’m sitting here and all I can do is think about this job I interviewed for≥

I am hoping, praying and honestly checking my horoscope in the hopes I get this job. I have become obsessed with it and now is the time I’ll find out whether this dream will become reality.

I honestly can’t even describe this feeling. I’m nervous, excited, scared it’s like having butterflies on steroids!

Fingers crossed hey?

Have an incredible day or night wherever you are in the world,

Ciao lovers x

A Hot Minute

Hey Lovers,

I owe you an apology… I’m so sorry I haven’t been active as much as I usually am on here. Between launching my you tube channel, podcast and my blog I have really felt a bit overwhelmed. But enough of that! It has been a hot minute since we spoke so here are some life updates.

I have got an interview for my dream job next week which if I land I get to go to Melbourne for training!! ANNDDD It’s a job in fashion.. I know *dying*

This job will mean however I will need to say farewell to my manager’s job at my current employment – I do feel like it is well and truly my time to leave though.

In other news, my Europe trip is coming up fast and I’m beyond excited for it. But God it is expensive!

I hope you are all well,

I appreciate each and everyone of you!

Jump on to my youtube to see me in action

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzMIJh7BkDY-N9AoqLoJ5ow

Ciao x

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